I am an overachiever

Look at me, two blogs in one day.

A friend just made a post on facebook that got the wheels turning. She said, "Sometimes you have to learn to love what's good for you."

What do you think? True? Not true?

Impossible, I think. Not because we can't learn to love, because certainly we can, but because none of us seem to really know what's good for us, and none of us are very good judges of it one way or another.

For one thing, we've all got all these messed up ideas in our heads about what it is we deserve, and what it is that love means, and how we love others and expect them to love us. Usually one or more of these ingrained ideas is not, in fact, good for us, but they are intensely powerful and almost impossible to overcome until you change the way you think.

For another, how often is your first impression of somebody wrong? Particularly when there is infatuation or attraction involved. We've all been in that place where we think somebody is perfect for us and it turns out, they most definitely are anything but. And we've all been in that place where we're blind to somebody's virtues for whatever reason.

BUT -- people come into your life for a reason. They are there to teach you, they are there to make you grow -- and doesn't that make everyone, by definition, good for you? And some people can do very good things for you, and be very good for you in every single way except one, and sometimes you can be such a stubborn fool that you fixate on that one thing, which may not even be important or may not even be true, for that matter, and then you have gone and thrown away something beautiful because you've got your head up your ass looking for perfection on earth, which does not exist, and ignoring your own faults and shortcomings.

"How do you remove a speck of sawdust from your brother's eye when all the while there's a big plank in your own?" - Godspell (and, I suppose, the Bible first)

I don't want to waste my life trying to find some elusive love affair that is "good for me." I want to love who I love, which isn't to say I don't want that love to be good, but I also have learned enough to know that there is good in everything and everyone, and there is value in everything and everyone, and everything and everyone deserves a chance. Or two or three, as the case may be.

"I don't want to be someone who walks away so easily...I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make." - Jason Mraz

I don't know. I know that it takes all kinds, and people feel all sorts of different ways about things, blah blah blah -- but it seems to me that something as simple as human kindness, human decency, and love should be universally regarded in the same way, and I never cease to be astonished by people's lack of commitment and dedication to all sorts of things, relationships included. I think I've veered quite a bit off the subject and have begun to project, so maybe it's time to get some sleep. Also, this post had absolutely nothing to do with learning to be a better woman. Or maybe it did.

Maybe the point is this - with vulnerability and openness comes great risk of being hurt. But with vulnerability and openness also comes the chance of great joy. Do you think it's worth it to take the risk? I do, and I don't think any amount of ass-kicking is going to change that belief. So I will continue to love as love comes to me, without regard to whether or not it's "good" for me - because by its very nature, love is good, and there is always good to be found in the experience.

"To love another person is to see the face of God." - Les Miserables