Blah Blah Blah....

I was 5 for 5 yesterday and 6 for 6 today! I didn't post yesterday because it would have been incoherent dribble due to exhaustion. I slept for nearly 12 hours today and still sleepy! And I started reading Suz and I's book for the project we are doing despite the warfare trying to keep my eyes open.

Today I am pretty much up and down, left and right with every single thing. The struggle between having faith in things and giving it up. The struggle between optimism and pessimism. I came down to the only thought I could, I want something extraordinary in my life. Something that has everything I need. Then I realized I'm doing exactly the opposite of what I swore myself for 2013. Looking for something extraordinary instead of realizing I am the one that fills those wants and needs. 

I don't know if that makes any sense but there it is for midnight and a long day ahead. I think I'm just exhausted by trying to figure out the good from the bad. Those who seek only to give themselves satisfaction, those who smile with a knife behind them, those who have less than honorable intentions. Everyone has such a wall built up around them that it's impossible to tell their real meanings. It's exhausting figuring all that out. 

" I can't be the pouty girl who says yes when she means no, and no when she means yes! Happy? Smile! Sad? Frown! Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion!"

Life would be so much easier if people would just say, "Hi, I'm a shitty friend/boyfriend and I will most likely only be there for you when it fits my schedule." or "Hi, I'm a crappy coworker, I will not do any work and blame everything on you." or "I pretend that I want a relationship but really I just find that you're gullible and will fit in my life without questioning why I have a lot of girls texting me." etc. 

This made zero sense and for that I'm sorry. Happy sleeping everyone and I hope for a good Monday.