WARNING: Explosion Imminent

I haven't been keeping up with the blog, honestly I haven't been keeping up with anything. I've allowed for things in my life to push me past the point that I can't stand. And for what? That question still eludes me. Why, if I know so much, do I act upon it so little? It isn't helping me at all. In fact, it's ruining me. It has pushed me to the point of being reclusive because I just can't handle even the tiniest of things. Stress is not something to be taken lightly when it's being shoved on you at high dose. I'm thinking heart palpitations from high anxiety is a good clue after trying to ignore the stress for so long. It's amazing that I took on so much unneeded responsibility, responsibility that isn't even mine to help but in the end I can't do anything for even just myself. The stress has become paralyzing to the point that it takes an immense amount of effort to talk to people, get out of bed and perform the very basics of duties. At some point something has to give and right now that looks like it'll be me. At some point I have to let go, I have to give up, give in, give out. At some point I have to just STOP. There are certain things that require more than one person to carry the weight. There isn't anyone there. It's just me. And I have lost the ability to go out and have fun, to be happy, to take a breath and let it out and to repeat the basic act of breathing. I don't like this person. I have helped so much that I have lost myself and am now in need of help. I'm a tow truck needing a tow truck. When will it come?