I just re-read all of our old entries, and I have got to say, I am proud as hell of both Tracy and myself. Honestly, when we started this blog, I assumed we'd get caught up in life within a month or two and this would all fall by the wayside. Granted, we don't blog as much as we intended to, but as for actively striving for improvement in our lives - we are freakin' killing it. Reading my old posts, I felt like I was so embarrassed by that pitiful version of me that I wanted to delete them all from public record...but then I thought, dang girl - look at how far you have come in such a short amount of time. Look at the changes you have made just by deciding it was time to be open to changing. So yes - I was pathetic and sad and miserable, but it is important to remember that. It is important to do honor to it and to the journey from that person into somebody who is doing good things and making strides and is through accepting less than she deserves.

If 4 months brought me here, I can't wait to see where I am in a year.

First Step

Sometimes when you’re in a deep, dark place, you don’t realize it. Maybe your conscious is protecting you so that you weather the storm. It doesn't recognize that it isn't a storm, it’s a forest. You've grown so used to this darkness. You've convinced yourself it is okay. If you’re lucky a little light will push through this darkness, if only for a moment. It startling awakes you from your slumber. You become aware. You may panic for a few minutes. You question how you got here, how long you've been here, why you've allowed yourself to get lost in such a place. If you have even the tiniest bit of strength left in you, it will quickly start to prepare for battle. The first part of this battle is to run. To run as fast as you possibly can. Wobbly legs, heart beating fast, emotions swirling, confusion and doubt, RUN. You run without looking back. You run ignoring any doubts. You run until you see light. You run until you feel the fresh air and the feeling of hope which is never present when you’re somewhere dark. And once you’re out in the open with the sun shining as if to congratulate you on having the strength to find your way again; you stop and you close your eyes. The next part is very important. You stop. You stop right there with sun on your face. You breathe in and listen. You feel how trampled your spirit was as you feel the hope, strength and life slowly seep into you. You listen around you to the peace and you know you are no longer repressed by the poison you were inflicted with. You are ready to start. You are ready to take in every single thing this world can offer.