First order of business is this -- we really suck at keeping up with this blog.

Secondly, luckily I suck a lot less at all of the other things I am supposed to be focusing on. For instance, my hair looks stunning today in spite of working a 13-hour day, and I am voting my Oz book challenge a success even though I only got through all of the books actually written by L. Frank Baum and two not written by him, both of which I hated -- I decided that it was pointless to try to muddle through the rest that I'd likely hate as well and that as a purist at heart, I did what I had to do and am ready for Oz the Great and Powerful a whole 2 weeks early.

Now that that's out of the way, I just had some things I wanted to say today.

No matter what stage of healing you are in post-breakup, I think it always kind of sucks to hear that the person who broke your heart and professed that they were so miserable about it has moved on. Even when you already figured it was a given based on their track record, knowing it for truth isn't fun. But I also think it's a pretty crucial part of the healing process, one that helps you take off the last vestiges of the rose-colored glasses and say to yourself, "this person is a real asshole."

Interesting that initially I typed "was" a real asshole and felt compelled to go back and change it to the present tense.

There was more I wanted to say about this at first but now, typing it out, I don't feel the need any more. I don't want to waste any more thought or emotion on somebody who clearly didn't spend any on me.

I said tonight that it seems to me that everything has worked out for the best, and it strikes me now that I actually truly believe that. Look at where the last few months has taken me - from a job that was making me into a crazy person to a new career where I feel fulfilled and happy and challenged...from a relationship where I wasn't cared for, was taken advantage of and taken for granted to a better understanding of myself, my expectations and the standards I need to set for myself. Financially I am worlds better off. I am repairing damaged relationships with people I love and I am confident in all of my friendships with people who have stuck by me even when I was at my worst. I am taking steps to better myself, and 3 months ago that wasn't even on my radar...I felt happy enough but in retrospect, I was treading water in a pool with no bottom and losing energy fast; drowning was inevitable and somehow I've been thrown a lifeline.

I am privileged to get to witness a lot of different kinds of relationships in what I do now. I was struck today by how many of the couples with children in my school are so unified. You can just tell by looking at them, talking to them, that they treat their relationships as true partnerships. There is so much respect and consideration for the other party. Of course this is not universal; there are always exceptions, but seeing it from the outside, it cements in my head that I am on the right path. Or at least, no longer on the wrong one. On the flip side, I also get to see couples where you can unfortunately kind of see the writing on the wall. Some of these people you can also see are crazy in love - right now. But their approach to their marriages throws up red flags all around. I used to think it sucked that love wasn't always enough...but now it seems to me that it's a blessing in disguise. Yes, it is a painful, messy, awful thing to be hurt. But being emotionally hurt is like being physically hurt - that pain is there as a warning that you are doing damage to yourself and it keeps you from doing more, irreparable harm. I'll take my scars for the lessons they are, and I'll try not to cry once the lights are turned off tonight. Or what the hell - maybe I'll sleep with them on until I don't care any more.